The Benefits of Being a Slug Trainer.

(@sadnsusss @userdiablito @ybseejay)

"Hey man, I noticed you were looking around. I'm done with this machine if you need to use it."

"Thanks man, but I'm actually looking for someone right now. Thanks for the offer though."

It's a crowded weekend as usual. Normally, I would be one of the many people doing their reps, but today I'm here for a different reason.

In my bag is just the normal stuff. Water, a protein shake, a rag to wipe down the machine after I'm done because I'm not barbaric, but with one exception. A mason jar with 2 grey slugs inside.  The slugs really aren't capable of any semblance of thought at all, only having one base instinct to suck on whatever thing comes across their face. Anyone they bring home is usually only fed using large baby bottles for them to suck on. But over the course of a few months, I've managed to train them on a few very simple commands.

After a while, my eyes spot some suitable targets. On the side wall of the weight room, I see 2 brothers silently doing their reps. I wait for them to finish their workouts and follow them back to the locker room.

I check to see if the coast is clear, before discreetly opening the jar onto the floor. "Alright you two. You know the drill." The slugs rush out, slithering across the locker room floor, and up directly into their targets' ears in a smooth clean motion before they could notice. This was a move they have pulled countless times. The two men jump in surprise and try to remove the mysterious slimy objects from their ears, but after a few seconds they both completely stand emotionless, turning around robotically and returning back to their master.

I smirk. I make my way to the exit, two hot men in tow and walk back to my place. I plop down on my bed and direct them to be on both sides of me. They move themselves to their assigned positions.

"Ok, I don't know these two's names so I'll going to call you... Xavier, and you will be.. Daniel."

I pull Xavier in for a kiss, which he immediately reciprocates, wordlessly sucking on my mouth. I pull away, then going in for another one with Daniel.

Then I grab both of their heads and pull them next to each other.

 "Xavier, why don't you go give your brother a big kiss?"

I then watch the two brothers mindlessly make out, not caring about a thing in the world except slobbering all over each others mouths. God it was such a good idea to train alien slugs.